


The Letter

by PaintByNumber



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 23:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10261904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintByNumber/pseuds/PaintByNumber
Summary: Sam has carried the letter everywhere, but never read the contents out of fear of what it said. When he does, it changes everything for Sam and Dean.





	

It’s an old piece of notebook paper he found at the bottom of his bag, browned and wrinkled from water spilling on it at some point over the years. The ink is smeared but legible on the outside. The handwriting keeps him from unfolding the small square. The handwriting he’d recognize anywhere, years of reading over homework and little notes burned the print into his memory.

_‘Sam’_ it says in that blue smeared ink.

He keeps it with him through every move, to California, to his dorm, to two different apartments, but he never opens it, never reads what it says. He’s sure it’s angry, that it was written just before he left them, left the only life he had ever known.

But then he wonders if it could say something else, something better. He doesn’t want to crush those hopes with the surely harsh reality.

So, he holds onto it but never reads it.

He somehow saves it from the fire. The only thing he managed to grab when Dean pulled him away from the heat.

He forgot about it for a while, the death of the woman he thought he would marry heavy on his mind and always appearing in his dreams.

Then one day, two years after they were back on the road, he found it in the bottom of his bag again, looking even worse for wear. Dean was gone, went to grab some groceries for them now that they were settled into a motel for however long they would be there. He sat down on the bed, looking at the paper. They were in a good place as brothers again, working together well, so no matter what the the paper said it wouldn’t change anything Sam reasoned with himself as he finally unfolded it.

The writing matched that of the outside of the letter, blue and smeared, but still Dean’s small writing.

_'Sammy,_

_Don’t 'it’s Sam’ me. I know you’re leaving soon, I found your acceptance letter. I’m… I’m really proud of you._

_I’m not mad, I know you’ll worry about that. I’m gonna miss you is all._

_I don’t know what it’ll be like without you here, it’s always been us._

_Sammy… I haven’t always been honest with you and I can’t let you go without telling you this. And if I can’t get the balls to tell you outright I can at least write it down, right?_

_I feel more for you than a brother should. I’m sorry if you think I’m sick. I know I would if I was in your place. But I can’t help but wonder if… you feel that way too. The way you look at me sometimes… it’s the way girls look at me, Sammy, and I always look behind me to see if you’re looking at someone over my shoulder but you aren’t._

_So… tell me if I’m right, okay? If I’m wrong just don’t mention this. Save my dignity a bit, little brother._

_-Dean’_

Sam read over the note multiple times, trying to make it all sink in. He couldn’t believe it, that Dean felt that way, thought that maybe Sam was the same too.

He looked up as the door to the room opened, Dean’s arms full of groceries. He set them on the table and pulled out a beer before anything else then popped it open, taking a sip with a satisfied sigh.

“What'cha got there?” Dean used the bottle to point at the paper in Sam’s hands.

Sam stood and handed it to Dean silently. Dean went pale when he looked down at it, recognizing it almost instantly.

“Do you still?” Sam asked, unsure of what to say. Do you still love me? Do you still feel this way? It all felt too heavy even as the unfinished question hung in the air.

Dean barely nodded before taking another sip of his beer, turning his head away from Sam.

“Dean…” Sam whispered and his older brother reluctantly looked at him again, but avoided eye contact.

“You were right, I did feel the same.”

Dean shook his head, “but you don’t anymore.”

“Dean, I-”

“It’s fine, Sam, I’m just gonna head out for a little while.”

“Let me talk, Dean,” Sam’s expression was frustrated but he didn’t want Dean getting worked up when there was no need to. Dean sighed and nodded, signaling Sam to continue. “I hadn’t read this before now, I never got the guts to because I thought it would be you telling me off for leaving,” Sam held up his hand when Dean opened his mouth to protest, “lemme finish. But I never thought it’d be what I just read so I’m a little shocked. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same. That I haven’t felt the same for a long time now.”

Dean grinned, a real one, big and wide and one that was made only for Sam, before pulling him into a kiss that should have happened long ago.


End file.
